Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize