There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
