Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
A bitchslap is in order.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
