i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
