Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
