I need help removing her.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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