Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
