So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
