Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
