Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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