I'm lost and stupid without you.
This is not my ceiling
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
