After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
