lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
