grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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