I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
