is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
