they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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