I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
