my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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