And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
