I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
