Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
