Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
