hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
