chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
