Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
