Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Vodka?
Forever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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