that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
