All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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