There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
