It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
