we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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