you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
