Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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