I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
