I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
