I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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