So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
