I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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