My nipple is on Facebook.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
