tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
