i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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