I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize