He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
