I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
