I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
