You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
