i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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