if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
