Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
