I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
