she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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