is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was confusing and full of hummus
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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