cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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