Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
