The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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