k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
