dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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