So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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