i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
