Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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