we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
