So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize