The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
