I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
