I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
