I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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