If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
