TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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