i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
