If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
NoShamevember. You game?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
