omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So vagazzling was a success
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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