Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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