She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
