I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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