i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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