Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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