how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
